Learn how personal relationships work.

It's intuitive to think we need to present our best version to make and maintain social relationships. Doing the opposite by telling embarrassing stories, admitting mistakes or acknowledging problems is helpful. It makes us more human as nobody is perfect. Others can relate more. We show trust by sharing something private, which could be used to hurt us. Social Media is full of only positive content. It makes it easier for your close ones to share their worries. Only then you can help. The ability to be vulnerable to each other is a requirement for close relationships.

There's the emotional, brain and time limits. The Dunbar numbers say we can have:

• 5 super close people, meet weekly
• 10 very close people (15 total), meet monthly
• 35 close people (50 total), meet 3-4 months
• 100 friends (150 total), meet 5-7 months
• 350 acquaintances (500 total), meet random
• 1000 with familiar face / name (1500 total), meet random

The limits vary for everyone. It's useful to be aware of the constraints. For example, having 25 close people means you have less time for less close friends. Some prefer a few very close friends and some like to be with many people. But you cannot be close to 500 people. The more people you actively keep in touch with the less time you get per person. It's common to allocate more than 60% for the first two circles.

Did you ever feel physically exhausted after exercising? Or mentally exhausted after a difficult exam? Humans can also be emotionally exhausted. Connecting in a meaningful way requires empathy and listening. If you have a tough conversation on a sensitive topic your battery might get empty. While other interactions spark new energy in you. You may need time alone, meditation or physical exercise. Experiment to see what works for you.

If you ask people about their best friends it's often childhood friends. Strong relationships need a lot of time. It doesn't take much time to meet new people. But it takes time to be vulnerable, to have a history of shared experiences and memories and to build trust.

The research by Robin Dunbar comes up with a list of seven things:

1. Growing up in the same area
2. Same language
3. Same gender
4. Same hobbies / interests
5. Same moral, religious and political views
6. Same humor
7. Same music taste

Social relationships need "social grooming". Laughing, singing and dancing are very effective as well as community activities. The pillars are not strict rules. But the more pillars you share with a person the easier a friendship forms.

The term toxic relationship is often only used for romantic relationships, but also friendships and other connections can be poison. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience it. Understanding what toxic relationships are, becoming aware of them and solving them is important.

One day you leave your school or university. Another time you change the job. You move to another city, country or continent. You spend more time volunteering. Your values change and you change your diet. You do a different hobby. There are many examples of change. With all the opportunities now change comes fast and often. It affects the people we meet. From one day to another the schedule changes. Some people are removed and new ones arrive. Without awareness and conscious living, it's likely to lose contact over time. See the checklist what we can do instead.

There is a lot of debate and research on this topic. As technology develops you can have more meaningful connections online than before. High-quality group video calls are free. There are studies about the impact of laughing or social touch like a high-five or hug. People might smile at a text message, but in a group laughing is contagious. It's easier to process facial expressions in person. Hormones are released differently.

What limits the number of relationships we can maintain? There is the time and the emotional component, but the brain also plays a role. The research by Dunbar and others linked the size of the brain to the average group size in primates. This created the social brain hypothesis. Additional research on humans shows a linear relation for a part of the brain that processes social information. We need empathy and memory for meaningful relationships. One explanation is that we need enough brainpower to achieve both.